Willie

Number of days I've "known" him: 125
Number of days we've been "official": 58
Number of days we've spent together, in person: 4

For several years now, I have been a part of a private, invitation-only online single parent support group. The nice thing about this group is that I know each member very well, and am assured my posts remain private. The bad thing is that we rarely get any new input, from someone with a fresh perspective. Our conversations sometimes get a little stale as a result.

So this summer, when one member mentioned a friend of his was going through a divorce and could really use some support, we enthusiastically said, "Yay! Bring him in!"

And so, new online friendships were started with Willie, as we each offered him support and understanding. It wasn't long before he completely blended in, becoming "one of the gang" by passing harmless flirts back to the girls as quickly as we flirted with him.

Until one day, when he sent me a private message, telling me that he really was feeling attracted to me. I assured him that that's normal, to feel attracted to someone of the opposite sex after a divorce. But that that's probably all it was, and besides, we live 2,177 miles apart. (yes, I had mapquested us)

But then we started noticing things that we have in common...our affinity for proper grammar, our love of (and experience visiting) Africa, Tarantino movies...etc. As a matter of fact, as new similarities were discovered (on a daily basis), one of us would say, "Of course you love ______. We are the same person!"

After he had a particularly challenging day in August, I gave Willie my phone number and told him he was welcome to text or even call when he needed to talk. It's a fortunate coincidence (or not a coincidence, if you're paying attention - we are the same person, after all) that we're both covered by Verizon. Because that's when a lot of texting and calling started.

By now, we were spending quite a bit of time "together," either Facebook chatting, texting, or talking on the phone. We were developing a closeness that surprised us both. We shared deeply painful and personal stories with each other. The flirtation continued, and we regularly reminded ourselves that the mutual attraction that we shared was a "geographical bummer." Knowing that a real relationship could never be carried out, due to our distance, we convinced ourselves that our internet relationship was a healthy form of "practice" that would serve us better with our interactions with dates in "real life."

There were a couple of times that one of us got concerned about our emotional investments. In theory, it would be easy to just "shut it down" when one of us moved on, and our internet relationship needed to end. We were aware that in reality, it could prove to be much more difficult. We took a few "breaks," in which the conversations would be restricted to acceptable "friend" topics. After a couple of days off, we would end up right back where we were.

All through this, I continued my efforts on eharmony, and asked Willie for advice when dealing with a guy I had gone on a date with, and with other guys I was communicating with. Willie encouraged me to give them a chance, and I did try. But my interactions with them were flat and unimpressive next to Willie. What I really wanted was for eharmony to match me up with a guy just like Willie, except who lives in the same area code.

Sometime in September, Willie went out with a girl, and I was stunned with my reaction. I felt green with envy, and realized that I was in too deep. I attempted to shut off my feelings, understanding that Willie was moving on, and I was about to be left behind. Instead, it prompted a deep, heart-felt conversation in which we both examined our reactions and Willie confessed that after his date, he had thought, "Well, she was nice, but she's no Tiffany."

So we were back where we started again.

Until finally, one morning, we got "busted." A colleague asked me, "Are you having some sort of cyber flirtation with a guy on your Facebook?" In the conversation that followed that evening, Willie said, "I just keep wondering if there were some way we could make this work if I moved out there." I responded, "I wonder if there were some way I could move out there."

The metaphorical padlock that kept us from discussing a "real" relationship had been unlocked. And suddenly, our honest feelings about each other came rushing out. We both admitted to the love that we share, and agreed that there had to be a way to close the distance so that we could be together...that a "click" like this is rare, and 2,177 miles simply could not be a reason to ignore it.

And how would we do that? Well that is a conversation for a different post...

In Case You've Ever Wondered if We're Biologically Related

Went to the school library with my class on Tuesday. I found this book:



I checked it out. I was pretty sure Binta and I could have some fun with it.
Binta's class had also gone to the library that same day. After school, as Binta plunked her backpack down on the table, this is what fell out of it:



I'm pretty sure the "mother/daughter check out the same book at the library" test presents absolutely irrefutable proof that we're related.

Finally, the Finale

The last episode of LOST aired last night. If you have not yet seen it, I urge you to not read any further. Don't spoil the ending for yourself.

Although it's hard for me to explain exactly what happened. And I've been a devoted fan for 6 years. I've watched and re-watched every episode, participated in an online discussion group (nerdy, yes, I've been told), and spent hours theorizing and considering the events on the show.

Yet when a friend asks me this morning, "Well? Did they get off the island?" my answer is, "Um. Yes? Sort of?"

This is no easy story to sum up.

The show started out as an exciting adventure/mystery for me. I was hooked right from the start. As a matter of fact, I wrote about my first impression long ago. Such great characters and terrific plot twists. Amazingly original and clever storytelling. I kept watching because I needed to find out why, why, WHY! Up until last night, I was still demanding an explanation for all of the mystery. Why was Walt special? Why did the black smoke have to kill Mr. Eko? Why did the psychic tell Claire she had to raise Aaron? What was Jacob's brother's name for crying out loud?

Yes, there was mythology in this show that I didn't understand. Science fiction elements that went way over my head. And religious overtones that cannot be denied.

I'm not into mythology or science fiction. And I don't believe in god. Yet I still watched the show, year after year, to find out what was going to happen to these characters. How could they possibly provide an ending to this show?

I would have been insulted with a "they lived happily ever after" ending. I would have been devastated if they had all died on the island. I wondered to myself how LOST could possibly give me an ending that I would accept, much less enjoy. Yet I sit here deeply satisfied with last night's finale. I'm ok with the questions that didn't get answered.

I'm ok, because LOST ended it with a sort of "they died happily ever after" ending. Yes, they're dead, but they're together, moving on collectively. Towards heaven? Something else altogether? The viewer gets to decide. Genius.

LOST has always reminded me of my brother, even though he never saw an episode. The pilot aired 6 months after he died. I believe he would have liked the show. I think about how it could have been something that we shared together.

Oceanic flight 815 crashed in 2004. Derek died in 2004. The characters on LOST have been struggling with the mistakes of their past for 6 years, building up to The End, at which point the all got to gather together again. Their reunions were beautiful and nostalgic. I cried at seeing Charlie and Claire reunite. I cried when John stood up out of the wheelchair and walked into the church. I cried when Jack realized he had died.

What if my brother has been "waiting" for the past 6 years, too? I imagine him having a chance to make peace with his past. I imagine him learning to appreciate the contributions he made to us.

I imagine him getting to see all of the important people from his life again. Who would be there with Derek, as he "moved on?" Brad? Our grandparents? Me?

I still don't believe in god. Or heaven. Or hell. Just the same, I find it very satisfying to imagine Derek happy, and finally "moving on" into what could come next. I like that thought very much.

You Give Me Fever

It started Saturday night. Binta complained about feeling too cold, so I suggested she warm up in a hot bath. I decided to check her temperature, and sure enough, she had a fever of 101.

Throughout the night, it continued to climb up and down, most likely due to the Tylenol I gave her. She didn't complain about anything else. Just feeling either too hot or too cold.

So the next morning, when it seemed that her temperature had settled back down, we thought the bug had run its course. Unfortunately, it seems the bug had heard about the birthday party Binta was going to, and wanted to tag along. Uninvited. And it didn't bring a gift for the birthday girl, either. At least, I hope it didn't. I guess we'll find out soon enough.

All through the night, we monitored her temperature, as it continued to surprise us with new and amazing 3-digit numbers. Binta's varying attitude was also fascinating to watch. From being in tears, thrashing around in the bed crying that she's too hot, to singing radio call number jingles that match the numbers on the thermometer.

As my school secretary reminded me, "You can't keep a good pirate down."

Clairvoyance

Binta: "I love you, too."

Me: (confused) "I didn't say I love you."

Binta: "I know. I can read your mind."

Surprise!

After many failed attempts, I finally was able to successfully log in to my own blog!
It's been a while, eh?