Willie

Number of days I've "known" him: 125
Number of days we've been "official": 58
Number of days we've spent together, in person: 4

For several years now, I have been a part of a private, invitation-only online single parent support group. The nice thing about this group is that I know each member very well, and am assured my posts remain private. The bad thing is that we rarely get any new input, from someone with a fresh perspective. Our conversations sometimes get a little stale as a result.

So this summer, when one member mentioned a friend of his was going through a divorce and could really use some support, we enthusiastically said, "Yay! Bring him in!"

And so, new online friendships were started with Willie, as we each offered him support and understanding. It wasn't long before he completely blended in, becoming "one of the gang" by passing harmless flirts back to the girls as quickly as we flirted with him.

Until one day, when he sent me a private message, telling me that he really was feeling attracted to me. I assured him that that's normal, to feel attracted to someone of the opposite sex after a divorce. But that that's probably all it was, and besides, we live 2,177 miles apart. (yes, I had mapquested us)

But then we started noticing things that we have in common...our affinity for proper grammar, our love of (and experience visiting) Africa, Tarantino movies...etc. As a matter of fact, as new similarities were discovered (on a daily basis), one of us would say, "Of course you love ______. We are the same person!"

After he had a particularly challenging day in August, I gave Willie my phone number and told him he was welcome to text or even call when he needed to talk. It's a fortunate coincidence (or not a coincidence, if you're paying attention - we are the same person, after all) that we're both covered by Verizon. Because that's when a lot of texting and calling started.

By now, we were spending quite a bit of time "together," either Facebook chatting, texting, or talking on the phone. We were developing a closeness that surprised us both. We shared deeply painful and personal stories with each other. The flirtation continued, and we regularly reminded ourselves that the mutual attraction that we shared was a "geographical bummer." Knowing that a real relationship could never be carried out, due to our distance, we convinced ourselves that our internet relationship was a healthy form of "practice" that would serve us better with our interactions with dates in "real life."

There were a couple of times that one of us got concerned about our emotional investments. In theory, it would be easy to just "shut it down" when one of us moved on, and our internet relationship needed to end. We were aware that in reality, it could prove to be much more difficult. We took a few "breaks," in which the conversations would be restricted to acceptable "friend" topics. After a couple of days off, we would end up right back where we were.

All through this, I continued my efforts on eharmony, and asked Willie for advice when dealing with a guy I had gone on a date with, and with other guys I was communicating with. Willie encouraged me to give them a chance, and I did try. But my interactions with them were flat and unimpressive next to Willie. What I really wanted was for eharmony to match me up with a guy just like Willie, except who lives in the same area code.

Sometime in September, Willie went out with a girl, and I was stunned with my reaction. I felt green with envy, and realized that I was in too deep. I attempted to shut off my feelings, understanding that Willie was moving on, and I was about to be left behind. Instead, it prompted a deep, heart-felt conversation in which we both examined our reactions and Willie confessed that after his date, he had thought, "Well, she was nice, but she's no Tiffany."

So we were back where we started again.

Until finally, one morning, we got "busted." A colleague asked me, "Are you having some sort of cyber flirtation with a guy on your Facebook?" In the conversation that followed that evening, Willie said, "I just keep wondering if there were some way we could make this work if I moved out there." I responded, "I wonder if there were some way I could move out there."

The metaphorical padlock that kept us from discussing a "real" relationship had been unlocked. And suddenly, our honest feelings about each other came rushing out. We both admitted to the love that we share, and agreed that there had to be a way to close the distance so that we could be together...that a "click" like this is rare, and 2,177 miles simply could not be a reason to ignore it.

And how would we do that? Well that is a conversation for a different post...