Christmas 2007

Days of Winter Vacation Used: 7
Remaining Days: 6
In the Attic: The Santa Lie

Remember last year? Remember the frickin' kitchen that I toiled over, assembling piece by piece for hours? I was so thrilled that this year, I wouldn't have any major assembly to complete prior to Christmas Morning.

I put Binta to bed with the same scare as last year: "Better get to bed, or Santa can't come leave your presents." I love that line! I wish I could use it more than just once every 365 days! It makes bedtime SO easy!

I allowed ample time for her to fall asleep, then proceeded to set up "Santa's workshop" at the dining room table. I had paper, bows, ribbons, and tags. And about 10 more packages to wrap. I put The Santaland Diaries, on the stereo, so I'd have some holiday cheer while I worked away.

David Sedaris had just finished recounting his experience as a Macy's Christmas Elf around 11:30, when I heard a little person's shocking gasp and inhalation of breath. I looked up, with ribbon and scissors in hand, to see Binta standing in the hallway, rubbing her eyes, and gaping at the Christmas tree, now surrounded by colorful packages.

"Binta! Santa said you're supposed to be asleep!"

"You talked to him?" she asked, with awe.

Thinking quickly back to the Troubleshooting section of the Parenting Manual, I had to make the split-second decision as to if I had had a conversation with Santa or not. I decided I wasn't prepared to back up a fictional conversation with a guy I hadn't met.

"Well, no, I didn't talk to him. I just know that's what he says. "

I tucked her back into bed, telling her not to get up until Christmas Morning. I finished my wrapping, put all of my materials away, and remembered to take care of the milk, cookies, and celery that Binta had left as an offering. I ate one cookie and disposed of the rest, because I was concerned that she might be observant enough to notice if they were returned to the kitchen. Yes, you may think that's overdoing it a bit, but she is a pretty sharp cookie.

Christmas Day came and went without a mention of the scene. I confided in my mom with a hushed voice about how I had been busted the evening earlier. She, of course, found it hilarious, and had to share the story with Larry.

Just when I think I'm in the clear, Binta brings up the subject before going to bed last night:

"Mama, do you remember when I got up and you said Santa said to go back to bed?"

"Uh, yeah."

"Did you see him?"

"Uh, no. I was working there, at the table, wrapping presents for Nana and Papa, like you saw me. I know I went into the den to take a break and do some computer work, and when I came back out, I saw that he had already been here."

"Did you talk to him?"

"Well, no. I mean, I just went into the den for like a second, and he was already gone. But I guess that makes sense, right? Cause he's got a lot of houses to get to. He has to be pretty quick with his visits."

"But how did he eat the cookies and milk so fast?"

"Well, maybe he doesn't eat them at the houses. Maybe he takes some of them back home for Mrs. Claus, or the elves."

"But I only gave him 3 cookies. There's too many elves."

"Well, he gets lots of cookies, remember? He's not going to be able to eat all of them himself. He probably eats a couple at the first house, and then saves the others to take back to the North Pole."

"But how does he get them there?"

"Well, as Santa's dropping off all of the toys, his sleigh is emptying out. Maybe he has a special sack that he uses to put the cookies in, so he can take them back to share with everyone, cause by then, he'll have more room."

Finally, no more questions came. I think she's satisfied. For now.

I think my kid just may have a future as a detective interrogator.

Anyone else slightly disturbed at the ease in which I was able to lie on the spot like that?