Blog Apologies and Confessions

Number of papers graded yesterday: 216
Number of papers still needing grading: 240
In the Attic: Sorry 'bout that last post...

If you have been a regular reader, I'd like to assure you that my mood has severely changed for the better since last posting. Most likely cause: the tiny white pills that my doctor prescribed for me a couple of weeks ago. I've been highly reluctant with trying an anti-depressant for a couple of reasons. The first reason is that I have 42 real, tangible reasons for my depression. A pill will not be able to make Binta have less meltdowns (although I am certainly on the lookout for that pill!) , or make my money problems disappear, or bring my brother back. The other reason is, I'm skeptical about a pill actually being able to alter my emotional state. When taking anti-depressants before, I have noticed an improvement, but always wondered in the back of my mind if I'm feeling better due to the meds, or because I know I'm taking a pill that's supposed to make me feel better, and therefore, (surprise!) feeling better. And paying $30 a month for the placebo effect is not in my budget right now. But on the suggestion of others, I did return to the doctor, and I am once again giving the anti-depressant a go.

And this time, I'm more confident that it is working.

First indication was being able to get out and wash the car. On any other day, an overwhelming task that I was not willing to consider. But last week, I took a large box out to the car, and told Binta to put every toy that she still wants into the box. That took an incredible amount of time, as each time she unearthed a forgotten toy, she'd want to play with it for a while. So while she was excavating, I was working my way around the inside of the car with a rag and cleaner, wiping away chocolate fingerprints, muddy footprints, and sticky apple juice. We finished up at the same time, and drove over to the car wash to vacuum out the inside. And, even though it was totally raining, we drove through the car wash to finish it off. Anyone who had seen my car prior to the search and rescue mission knows how difficult of a task that had been for me.

Other indications include:

1. Having more fun and more energy my first week back in the classroom.
2. Getting started on that massive stack of grading that had built up.
3. Realizing that there are not really 42 stressors in my life, but more like 4 0r 5.
4. Wanting to post to my blog more often.

Which leads me to my confession:

A nasty part of my mind has convinced me that I shall not blog unless I have a really significant topic, that will result in a lengthy piece of writing. Although, looking back, I realize that my past posts do not all fit that description, the pressure remains. Blogging has developed into this pressure, rather than a pasttime. So I am vowing to return to the regular blogging that I initially intended. Whether the reader finds it interesting or ho-hum, and whether it is lengthy or short.

As for now, however, I have some grading to get to...