The Epidemic that Stumbled into my Classroom

Tonight's activity: "Sleepy Storytime" at the public library
In my fishtank: glass fish (they can't die)
In the Attic: I am bordering on the edge of insanity in my classroom.

Several weeks ago, a student of mine showed up on crutches. It seemed that she had somehow injured her knee, and now needed to keep her weight off the knee. This caused a lot of excitement among the third graders in my class, as it's not every day you see someone using crutches. Much less someone in your own class.

Just about a week or so after that, another girl showed up on crutches. This received high marks of interest among students, as having 2 girls on crutches from the same classroom was unheard of!

I'll confide to you, dear reader, that this diagnosis of the second girl struck me as suspicious Just days before, her mother had shared with me that the girl had been exaggerating injuries around the house. For attention, the mother guessed. "I don't know why she'd be doing this, because our lives literally revolve around her schedule and activities!"

Hmmm... That strike anyone else as unhealthy and possibly problematic?

Perhaps you can understand my cynicism when the mom brings this girl to the classroom right smack in the middle of a writing lesson (that was going quite well, I might add). As the girl entered the room, simply beaming, as if she had been crowned "Crutch Girl Queen," the class went ballistic with excitement. (The writing lesson: down the toilet).

For those of you at home keeping score:
Students on crutches: 2
Students not on crutches: 22

Things really get exciting when the first girl has to trade in the crutches for a wheelchair. It seems that all of the hobbling around on crutches has put much strain on her "good" leg.

I have to admit, it was a little bit fun here to see the strange looks on other teachers' faces when we'd pass them in the hall. I'd play into it by shrugging my shoulders, shaking my head, saying, "You know, I think it's perfectly reasonable to snap a leg when a student doesn't know the correct answer in class. Look. That girl's already up to two incorrect answers. Next, I'm going to have to start breaking arms."

But things take a dive from there.
Guess what happens just a day or two after that.
No. Really. Guess.

Yep. Another one on crutches.
Students in wheelchairs: 1
Students on crutches: 2
Students who are somehow still able to move about on their own 2 legs: 21

A few weeks pass. Girl number one has surgery, returns on crutches for a little while, but is now able to get around without assistance. Thank god! Girl number two has had her foot/leg put in a big sandal that allows her to walk without crutches. (but she still needs a second chair to prop her leg on during class, poor thing.) Girl number three showed up Monday crutchless. Just out of the blue. Healed. Miracle. An act of god? Quite possible.

It seemed that things could finally get back to normal in our third grade rehabilitation center. I could once again teach a lesson without hearing the sound of crutches being knocked to the floor. I would be able to move about the room without tripping over a stray crutch. But what I craved the most was no longer hearing the "chik, chik, chik" of the crutches as the student(s) hobbled around the room. The seemingly quiet noise that would go unnoticed by most. The steady little beat that eventually became the equivalent of my own personal hellish Chinese water torture.

So was I surprised when a girl showed up today on crutches?
Yes. I was. Despite everything I've learned about the unfortunate girls from my class, I still had hope. I had faith in a world without girls on crutches. Now, it is way beyond ridiculous. It's flat out embarrassing.

Am I suggesting that any of these girls are exaggerating or (gasp!) lying about the supposed injuries? You bet I am. I simply cannot believe that it is mathematically possible for such a thing to occur to the same group of 8 and 9-year-olds. One-sixth of my class has had to use crutches this year. That's inconceivable! I would imagine that the odds would be comparable to the odds of winning the lottery.

Wishing now that I had purchased a damn ticket instead...